March 8th, 2012 by Tommy McConnell

Facebook has created a whole new set of standards and etiquette in social media. 10 years ago, I never thought I’d be worried about who “tagged” me in their photo. Or why nobody has commented on my status update. With this thought in mind, I came up with the top 10 most awkward moments on Facebook.
  1. R.S.V.P. When I am invited to an event that is at least 900 miles away, I always select “may be attending.” This way nobody’s feelings get hurt, but they still know I’m not coming (May be attending = Not attending). Sure, they might be disappointed when I don’t show. But wouldn’t it be more upsetting if I actually flew 900 miles to come to Trivia Night at Applebees? And then made a scene when they looked at me funny?

    *sigh* Wrong person.

  2. The embarrassment of tagging the wrong person. We’ve all done it. You are about to tag Steve as the best man in your wedding photo, when you accidentally tag Ross – that guy you spoke to once that one time over a decade ago. Then Ross starts to feel concerned. “Is this person obsessed with me? Are they fantasizing that I was the best man at their wedding? I barely know this person. Should I file a restraining order?” One minute later, de-friended.
  3. Having to ‘Like’ everyone’s comments to spare their feelings. Because otherwise they might be very offended or hurt, like: “Oh what, my comment isn’t good enough? or successful enough? or pretty enough?” Nah, it’s best to avoid that fight. I say pick your battles. Heh, commenters… can’t live with ’em, can’t live without ’em.  Am I right?
  4. Sending a friend request and getting denied.  I mean, you put yourself out there, letting go of all your inhibitions, hoping to start a beautiful virtual friendship… and you get your heart stomped on. Like it was nothing, like your heart is somehow disposable. I’ll never forget my first friendship turn-down… but it’s too painful to talk about. Eh, ’tis better to have loved and lost.
  5. Getting a friend request by the significant other of a friend of the opposite sex. So one day, something makes you think of something someone once said that was funny. You write on their wall to remind them it was funny. They say LOL. No big deal. Next thing you know, their spouse or girlfriend or whatever they are has sent you a friend request. You’ve never spoken to them in your life. Accepting this request is basically an invitation for this person to look at every single photo you have, and every word you have ever written. If you don’t accept, you’re making your friend look guilty. After all if they had nothing to hide, you would accept her friendship happily. What I do when this happens is delete all of my photos, and replace them with pictures of sloths. Then that person will be too freaked out to suspect anything and will  de-friend me after a few minutes. Problem solved.
  6. Pouring your heart out with no recognition. If it’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to never say anything deep or overly nice to anyone on Facebook. For instance, every time I tell someone they are the bomb digs, I get absolutely no “Thanks! I think you’re the bomb digs too! lol! Wanna be best friends forever?” … or any variation of that. It actually makes me want to insult them to cancel it out, like “Nobody cares!!! Take that, jerk!” But I can’t. That would create conflict. Which brings me to the next awkward moment.

    "I no wants fite."

  7. Facebook conflict. I know it’s way easier to be mean to people online, as I’ve discussed before in a previous post (Mean People and the Internet), but man. It really stings on Facebook. It’s not like posting in an anonymous forum, where nobody knows who you are and that you don’t really have a PhD in Political Science. When people respond angrily to something you say, it’s in front of an audience of all your friends, spouse, your parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, ex-boyfriends, coworkers, former employers, Jim Gaffigan … you get the idea. It’s rough because all those people know you and can think to themselves, “Wow. That Jill is quite the tool. And I know exactly who she is.” Luckily, the average Facebook attention span is roughly 12 seconds, so I can post a picture of my cute puppy and effectively change everyone’s tune.
  8. Writing an inaccurate post. This kind of ties into the last one, as it also publicly humiliates you in front of family, friends, pale comedians and the like. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s to stay away from concrete facts. There’s always going to be someone replying with, “Well… actually…” Successfully making you look like the dumbest dummy on Earth. I now start my facts with: “I’ve heard that…” or “Supposedly…” or “According to…” This way I’m always wrapped in a nice warm blanket of self-assurance.
  9. You read something you didn’t want people to know about. Uh oh. You read an article entitled: “7 Reasons You Have Gastrointestinal Distress”. With Facebook’s automatic article posting thingy, everyone now knows you have an embarrassing and smelly problem. Luckily you have to opt-in and can remove the app whenever. And it’s usually after something like that happens.
  10. A message or comment reply 3 months later. Someone will say something or ask you something, whether on your wall or via private message, and your busy cosmopolitan life causes you to forgot to respond. And when you do, the message starts with, “Sorry, I know it’s been 3 months…” And then they’re like, “Yeah. We decided to give our brand new Cadillac to someone else.” Nooooo!
I’m not sure but I have a feeling we’ve only touched the tip of the ice berg. Feel free to post your most awkward Facebook moments. And if nobody responds, well… I guess we can make that #11.


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